Conversation I have always preferred to do things by myself. Definitely introverted. I remember one of my teachers in elementary school would try to pull me out of the sandbox or swings and get me to play ball with some of the other boys. I just wasn't the least bit interested. I would dream of someday owning a little cabin up in the mountains where I could go and be alone. And I definitely wasn't interested in talking to anyone. If the phone rang, I would run the other way yelling at someone else to answer it. My teachers frequently gave me low marks for participation in class. When I got into academy, I would check out of the dorm Sabbath afternoon and go for walks my myself. Life gets boring sometimes and I was happy to get married and share my life with one other person. But even here, some of my greatest memories were when my wife took the kids shopping and left me to do chores areound the house by myself. In college, I didn't have any idea what line of studies I wanted to pursue, but I thought I should learn to do something besides working in a machine shop with my dad the rest of my life. I eventually settled on teaching and graduated with a degree in industrial education. The worst class I was required to take was speech. I'm okay answering questions before a group of people, but to stand up with a lot of eyes just staring at me while I keep talking just doesn't go good. I finally passed the class with a C grade. By the time I graduated, the idea of talking in front of a classroom to a bunch of students, not to mention church functions and board meetings, made me feel sick to think about it. I mean, I could do it for a few weeks maybe, but certainly not for a lifework. So, I thought, maybe being a colporteur and selling books door to door might be a possible way to serve the church and accomplish some good. Once you memorized a canvass, you could just repeat it all day and see what happens. Well, I soon learned that people buy something from you because they like you and they like you because of something you said to them. The colporteur leader of the district would visit homes with me about once a week. When we would come out of a home he would frequently try to explain to me that if I had said such and such or responded thusly to their comment, it would have meant so much more to them than what I said. Unfortunately, I was a slow learner. After a year and a half, I was sinking further and further into debt with three children, so I asked my dad if he could use some help in the shop and I was soon busy operating a milling machine again. Working in a shop was something I loved to do. It was usually just me and a machine and hopefully the phone didn't ring. The Grass Valley church felt a need to find something I could do and they soon had me taking up offerings, running the PA, or recording the service. I believe being an introvert runs in families. My parents were never interested in visiting with people. I remember hearing them tell about the time a car drove into the driveway and someone got out that they recognized as one of their classmates from Lynwood Academy. They quickly ran into a back bedroom until the person got tired of knocking and went away. I'm not that bad. But, I seldom went to the church potlucks, because having to visit with people while I ate made the food less attractive. I was talking with one of my friends at church and explained to him that when I read about the "great multitude which no man could number" in Revelation, I wasn't real interested in being in their midst. I dislike crowds at fairs and ball games and try to avoid them. My friend explained to me the he was sure God would fix me at the second coming and make me normal. When another good friend of my parents asked me why they seldom attended church, I explained that they were getting old and being around a lot of people caused them stress. He let me know that one of the main reasons he came to church was to visit his friends and get inspiration from them. When I was young, I attended a church that held "stress seminars" as a means to get the public to attend some meetings. I often thought it was certainly appropriate for the church to have stress seminars since the church caused much of the stress I experienced in my life. Sabbath often becomes the most stressful day of the week and I can't wait to be alone and running one to the machines in the shop or go off by myself and read a good book. I've been told it's good to get "out of my comfort zone" and expand my horizons and abilities. But it causes stress that increases epeniphrine and cortisone. And with me it causes an upset stomach. When I was attending second grade at San Fernando Valley Academy, my teacher didn't show up one morning and I and my classmates stood around outside the locked door wondering what would happen. While the other kids were whooping and hollering about no school without a teacher, I through up my breakfast under some nearby bushes. While I've learned to control my reactions since then, still any change in my schedule or doing something in front of others can greatly upset my digestive system. Every cell in your body swims in a biochemical/hormonal ocean. Stress alters that aquatic environment. There are thousands of receptors on and in every cell so every emotion, thought or action releases a cascade of neropeptides which bind to the receptors and change the structure and function of every cell in the body. Continued stress can cause a range of physical disorders including heart disease, cancer, arthritis and mental disorders. Stress also damage the mitochondria, the energy producing part of the cell. This can lead to the accumulation of toxic by-products and the resulting reduction of energy, or even cellular death. So, for me the goal is to reduce stress in my life as much as possible and still fill my responsibilities to my friends and family. This can cause stress in itself and it becomes quite a conundrum. Right after I declared bankruptcy and moved to Oroville, Ca., so Shawna and Thad could attend Paradise Adventist Academy, my former roommate from Lodi Academy, David Zimmerman, called and asked to visit and show the "the plan". He said it would solve all my financial problems. When he arrived, he explained how to become an Amway dealer. It was so simple. Just provide my friends and family with soap and other nutritional supplements that they were buying anyway and they would love the personal service. I would profit from the sale instead of the store. And if they decided to get in on this good deal and sell to all their friends, I would get a percentage of everything they sold. It sounded like a foolproof solution. The only problem was my friends and family were stuck on the brands and sources of these items and didn't want my personal service. Oh, I found a couple people to sell to, but the solution was to approach people at gas stations, grocery stores, church events, etc. and engage them in conversation and ask to show them "the plan". This is great for someone that loves to talk. And there are those kind of persons running around. But I wasn't one of them. Just the thought of finding people and talking to them every chance I got caused my to have indegestion. Amway is a lot like a religion. I'm told that is how I should witness about my faith to everyone I meet. But, I don't have any more success there. Everything in life seems to boil down to how good you are at talking. People are certainly different. I've tried to analyze why some people love to talk. Because they do. A pastor told me once that when he was a boy, he would go out to the barnyard and preach to the chickens. In a sermon, I heard Conrad Vine talk about filling preaching appointments when he was a boy and how he enjoyed it. Marc Lombard, writing in Insight Magazine, said, "When I was 14 I began preaching at small churches around Texas. I enjoyed it so much that I did it whenever I could." And women who compete with men to be ordained as ministers are certainly on a different wavelength than I'm on. I've had to talk to groups of people. I was valedictorian of my eighth grade class and had to give a speech at my graduation. I've been asked to call for the offering in church. Many times I have read the Mission Story for my Sabbath School class. And I hated each time and was relieved to be done.